Thoughts on authenticity

I am pretty sure this subject – yet again – either fascinates or for some reason scares people. I have had bits and pieces on the subject written in my journals (yes, more than one simultaneously in case I would loose one, hahaha) and on various sticky notes around my computer for years. As I mentioned earlier, I am having difficulties writing for various reasons still. My best friend got really ill and somehow my “flow” simply came to a halt. When life around us swirls unstoppably, it’s rather difficult to stay put and not get sucked into the motion, therefor it’s a bit of a practice for me not to engage but to let life swirl around me instead. The Buddhist way. Stay put and watch. It’s fascinating how much one can learn simply by observing. And just like that we already arrived to today’s subject, one of my all times favourites: authenticity. Now this is something that is difficult to write about without sliding into the pitfall of judgemental behaviour.

So first of all, why do I find it so fascinating? I think it goes back to childhood again. Perhaps growing up in Hungary has a lot to with it as well. Seeing how people spoke and then acted differently without feeling guilt or shame or showing it at least was somehow a sickening experience for me from an early age. I am super sensitive so I pick up on other peoples’ emotions even before they would articulate them, and I am always first to anticipate who might need what, when, why, etc. I guess as children we are true to our self so much so that the moral compass is working loud and clear. Combine it with the super sensitive traits – bam, you have a child getting confused, physically sick with high fever and sometimes even angry in between the lies lingering around her/him.

The market is flooded with information these days. It’s not at all a given that one will find an authentic healer, teacher, preacher, doctor, let alone politician – but I wisely steer away from politics at all times – etc. you get the drift. When we are most vulnerable (just like after being diagnosed with any life threatening illness, like cancer for example) and we come to the realization that we need to go inward to find the root cause of what led to the present situation with our health, tons of variations of what to do and how and with who’s possible help will pop up during our search, or better yet! many will “help” by pushing us to this-or-that direction. Obviously doing our own research is far most necessary to understand where we stand, so it’s natural that we bump into all kinds of literature during our search.

How is it that some people take on the healer-preacher role without being authentic? How is it humanly possible to lead a life with double standards under the false pretense of let’s say spirituality? Can spirituality be a bypass as Dr. Gábor Maté explains it? When I talk about authenticity I talk about genuine and truthful behavior. Why does anyone have the need to project something utterly mischievous by hiding it’s true self? How that person lives with himself/herself 24/7? Or is it so that when the lie is kept up for a long enough time, the person somehow believes it? But given certain situations the hidden ugly self crawls out screaming, leaving no trace nor a tiny glimpse of what the inauthentic self was teaching/preaching/selling/leading others to believe. These are questions I try to find answers for day in day out. Unfortunately I have been introduced to such people a long time ago and frankly to know what the truth is behind the mask is really difficult to live with. Hence this post must be written even if many will think this doesn’t resonate with them. Perhaps it doesn’t- unless the inauthentic person is identified, this subject is really not something everyone stumbles on.

I believe the cancer “healing” industry falls into this pit as well. “Selling” false hope to 98% of cancer patients by sending them one by one to cut, burn and poison they call treatment. And after the body is destroyed to a state of no return, they send people home to die. When my mother told her oncologist that “no thank you” she really doesn’t want another trial chemotherapy since for her question: will it cure me? the answer was a simple: “well, it’s a trial treatment, no guarantees, you know” the oncologist said- and I quote: “ you will die in less than 3 months without this treatment” not telling her how quickly she could die during treatment OR better yet, not discussing the torture and it’s head on affects of her past treatments and why exactly her body and soul was at the present state to begin with! I was fuming when we were sitting in that office, I could have punched the doctor’s face right there and then. My mother was really very ill, broken, fragile, tired. Everyone could see it. There was not a glimpse of humanity in that young male oncologist, not a single drop. How can they put a “Best Before” end date to patient’s life? Nobody can tell how long each life will last, only God know that. And people who are already scared to death, listen to these monsters and because the words they hear have power to them, they suddenly believe they only have X amount of time left. It works like a program to the cells, you believe something- it will definitely happen. Lucky for me my mother lived another 8 months instead of 3 and even at the very end she was saying: “ I have read it’s possible to have blood infusion and add more oxygen to the blood, that would help me too.” I am writing these here because HOPE is something we honestly need to survive cancer and other life threatening situations and illnesses.

But back to the original subject no. How is this possible? Where is the integrity of the human soul, or is it left in the dressing room when putting a white coat on? 2% of all cancer patients benefit form the “treatments” they are given. That’s a scary number. And still, people rush to get under the knife, to get burned, to get poisoned and to get so called side effects that are actually head on effects that destroy future possibilities in some cases for life itself.

What I don’t understand is this. If I have the time and interest and energy to search for publications, how come oncologists do not. If I am able to seek out information that make perfect sense and is totally backed up by scientific evidence that is contradictory of what the white coats are trying to force on me – when mentioned, they simply disregard it all? Not being interested on the very subject they should be experts of? How is that? If say an architect is not developing her/his skills, she/he will soon be unemployed. And architects do not vow that will always heal and preserve life whereas white coats do if I am correct. So that’s in my mind an inauthentic bunch of professionals, sorry. Oncologists.

As I see it this phenomenon is Global. Like minded people as myself are on the rise, but the cancer industry is running on such profits and the chain of beneficiaries from the person who books people for appointments to the last white coat who tells people there is nothing else we can do are so huge, that giving up the profit would be insane – from their point of view. And it makes me sick time and time again.

Truth must prevail. Although some teach – you don’t have to be right, be kind – I find that saying out loud how things really are is always worth it. Some might not like it, some might even get offended, others even become enemy-like. It’s still the truth. And God know the truth too, like Queen Elisabeth said it. In the end, what are we without it?

We are inauthentic. Untruthful. We can’t be trusted. Our words bare no meaning. Our achievements loose their grace. Our human relationships crumble. Our life’s purpose gets to be questioned. No matter how we try to disguise who we really are, the demons always surface at some point. The lies catch up with the lier. Being authentic means it’s OK who I am, I am my true self and it must be enough. I will resonate with people who are at the same frequency as me. I stand behind my actions, do not let people down who put their faith in me. This shouldn’t have to be taught in school or like these days there are people selling really expensive self blabla courses. What a nonsense. The human spirit is born and reborn by being authentic. It’s the decision of the human mind that steers away from it. A conscious decision. For profit of either money or other kind, like power or simply because someone feels shame and guilt for what they’ve done. Power over others based on false grounds. OK, some people prove to be born with and evil spirit, but that’s for another blog post in the future.

As I see it the World is dividing. Those who need to suppress the truth get louder and the threats get harsher. Those who live off lies manipulate everyone who they need to manipulate in order to keep up their own power and obviously their income. Sad souls in my opinion and probably really scared at all times too. When the bubble bursts in the end (there is always an end) all those who were the victims of manipulation will hopefully be awakened and the manipulators’ names will remain in human history truthfully, as deserved. As inauthentic liars. I do my best to bring the scum out into the open and show it. Always have done since an early age. Perhaps it’s a kind of life’s purpose for me, I don’t know. Didn’t choose it consciously, I was born like this. Maybe it’s my karma?

Until then all we can do is – yes, I must write this again: listen to the heart, live by the heart energy. The heart energy shouldn’t let people down IF one is to find it first. Our societies work super hard on separating people from their own heart energies. Most don’t even know they can tap into it. It takes work, but everyone can eventually get there. And when it happens, there is a tiny bit of hope for arriving to our authentic self. Without revealing the heart it can not happen.

. “CHANGE THAT DOES NOT LEAD TO LIBERATION FROM FEAR, GREED AND DELUSION IS NOT WHOLESOME. FURTHERMORE, ANY CHANGE THAT DOES NOT YIELD MORE COMPASSION AND LOVING-KINDNESS FOR YOURSELF AND OTHERS IS A WASTE OF PRECIOUS LIFE ENERGY.”

This was beautifully said in my opinion. Thich Nhat Hanh if I remember correctly. Such a great teacher.

Dr. Gabor Mate talks about how not being authentic creates illness in the physical body. I think he means when people suppress themselves unconsciously. Then yes, I agree, most people I work with who have (had) cancer have this trait in common. But what I write about is people who decide to navigate through life iuanthenticly, so it is very much so the conscious mind that chooses the false behavior. How come those people don’t get ill? Fascinating subject in my opinion.

So all in all I keep on wondering upon human behaviors, trying to pull strings together to map up what might help us out of an illness or a prolonged sickening situation. If you the reader want to aid my work, get in touch please, help me to gather more data so I can be of help for those who need it with a greater precision.

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